The Constructive Living perspective on feelings is often the 'hook' that attracts a person to this lifeway. In a culture that extols feelings as the central concern in life many find the CL view to be a relief and a practical guide. What are these "laws of feeling" and where do they come from? They come from the writings of Dr. David K. Reynolds. The first mention of these laws can be found in the "little green book" titled Constructive Living, first published by the U. of Hawaii Press in 1984. In the chapter titled "Life's Possibilities" Dr. Reynolds offers what he calls the five principles of feeling.  I borrow his words here.
 

1. Feelings are uncontrollable directly by the will.
2. Feelings must be recognized and accepted as they are.
3. Every feeling, however unpleasant, has its uses.
4. Feelings fade in time unless they are restimulated.
5. Feelings can be indirectly influenced by behavior.
 

        If we accept that feelings are not controllable, it follows that the best thing to do with them is to accept them . . . as they are. This does not mean that one need be passive. If I am angry over some injustice I might work to change conditions. Clearly, feelings are not to be ignored. How can they be? They exist. I feel them. But not every feeling requires action. Some feelings do point to something that needs doing. If I feel guilty about not writing to my mother probably what needs to be done is write more often, rather than attempt to 'do' something about my guilt. Constructive Living points out that feelings don't need fixing. Feelings are 'fine' just as they are, although they may not be pleasant. In each unpleasant feeling can be found the 'kernel of good'; for example, my anxiety over public speaking points to my strong desire to do well and be effective as a speaker. It tells me that what needs to be done is put effort into preparing my speech. It might also prompt me to join Toastmasters or an improvisation class to develop skills in coping with public presentation. Life does not bring emotions in a predictable or consistent way. "Feelings change like the Japanese sky," says the maxim.

    Do assignment #2 (below) and check it out.

    The final law is common sense. Sometimes what I do can impact how I feel. Exercising when I don't feel like it nearly always produces a sense of improved physical well being. If I waited to be motivated, I might never reap that benefit. In addition to these principles that describe how feelings operate, there is a very important sixth principle: "We are responsible for what we do no matter how we feel." Indeed every action we do has impact on others, on the world. In Constructive Living we don't let our feelings push us around. We ask if this feeling points to something that needs to be done. If it doesn't, we accept it and get on with the business of living realistically and responsibly. _______________________________________________________________________

 Assignment #2: The Feeling and Behavior Journal
    (Please do this exercise daily for two weeks.) Write approximately one page per day. Make three column headings at the top of each page. The headings should read: 1. Time of day 2. Feelings 3. Behavior. Several times a day, looking back on a prior event, fill in the blanks. Please write the same amount of detail in the Behavior column as in the Feeling column. For a sample of a F/B Journal see pages 99+ in PLAYING BALL ON RUNNING WATER.

For Lesson #3 just click this link:  Lesson Three: Appreciating Reality

Next issue: Lesson Three: Appreciating Reality
 

Last edited: August 20, 2002